We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
