return my video game
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
