I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
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