Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
