This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
