i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
