I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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