Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
God I need to hump something, right now.
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