Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
