well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
