I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
