I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
