Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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