Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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