were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize
