Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Damn victory sex feels great
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
