Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
