her facebook's as public as her vagina
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
