I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
