we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
I did not marry a roomba.
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