worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
