I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
