Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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