Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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