I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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