Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize
