gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
