I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
