so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
