I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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