Midget sex pt 2 tonight
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
