Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
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