Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
