It's a beautiful day for a hangover
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
