Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
