Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
