She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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