you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
