just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
