he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
