Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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