can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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