How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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