ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
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