You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
