I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
