i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
