I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
