Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
