That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Randomize
