It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
