Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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