I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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