I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
