I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
