Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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