My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
