I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
You have to summon your inner elephant
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
