Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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