if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
