Whats the glycemic index on semen?
He felt like a one man threesome
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
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