Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Randomize
