Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
