Midget sex pt 2 tonight
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Randomize
