What did we do last night that was yellow?
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
My ass is underappreciated
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Randomize
