Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Randomize
