I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
whose ass print is on the piano?
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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