ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Randomize
