she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
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