just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
