I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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