Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
