i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Acid is not a monday night drug
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
