can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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