What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
