yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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